


Dear Journal... (A Stan x Kyle/Style Fanfic)

by AlexTheDuckPotato (orphan_account)



Series: Written In Secret [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: ANOTHER SOUTH PARK STORY, Diary/Journal, Help, M/M, cause I write so much omg, done ranting lol, entries, okay, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 20:46:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 8,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11905911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AlexTheDuckPotato
Summary: For his birthday, Kyle got a journal, which he never used. He just thought journals were worthless pieces of trash. He starts writing everything in there. When Cartman finally gets his hands on it and reads it, things go downhill for Kyle. Writing sure does help, but it can lead to deadly consequences.(Pairings Mentioned in Order from Most Mentioned to Least: Style [Stan and Kyle], Stendy [Stan and Wendy], K2 [Kenny and Kyle], Keneric [Kenny and Cartman], Buttman [Butters and Cartman], Kyman [Kyle and Cartman], Creek [Craig and Tweek])~~~~~-WARNING: Acts/heavy mentions of suicide, heartbreak, mentions of rape, sexual themes, death, cutting, overdose, references to sex, near death experiences, cheating, homophobic themes at times!- (So many warnings, just beware!)~Kyle's POV/Writing unless otherwise noted~





	1. First Entry: 6/17/17 6:52PM

Journal,

Umm...

Well. 

I guess I'm actually writing in here. 

Let me explain. 

On my previous birthday, I got a journal. It was probably meant to channel my "creativity" or some shit like that. But why? What is the point of writing stuff down if you got a memory to remember events.

Well a journal is not just for that. It can also be used for rants, song lyrics, sketches, anything like that. A journal can also be used to write down anything without being judged. You can write down thoughts, ideas, about people...

People, huh?

hmm...

Yeah... That's a nice thought. I can talk about people, like my friends Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Stan...

Speaking of Stan, he finally broke up with Wendy today. I've been feeling something... different, for Stan. I don't know what it is, but it's different than what I feel when I'm with anyone else. I'll figure it out later. It's getting dark, and to be honest, I should probably study.

I hope tomorrow doesn't suck considering we have two test. Maybe I'll bring this journal with me. Hope that fatass Cartman doesn't take it and look through it, like he always does. 

Well, I guess I'll be going.

~Kyle, Day One


	2. Second Entry: 6/18/17 12:10AM

Journal,

I can't sleep. It's been a long day, and ever since school yesterday, my mind's been keeping my awake.

And my mom was right, writing in a journal does help vent stuff out.

Is there something wrong with me? I don't know, maybe it's just random thoughts floating through my head this late. But what would I be thinking about this late, anyways. Scrolling through social media and watching Youtube videos don't really help tonight. Other times, they block my other thoughts and help me go to sleep. But tonight is different. Something else.

Ugh, my hair keeps getting in the way of me seeing what the hell I'm writing. For fuck's sake, can't I do anything without something bothering me? 

Anyways, while scrolling through social media, I noticed myself frequently looking at Stan's page. I don't know why, just hope he doesn't check his stats about what people visited his page.

OH SHIT! I HEAR MY MOM COMING! 

~Kyle, Day 2


	3. Third Entry: 6/18/17 12:53PM

Journal:

Nghhhh... so tired... I didn't go to sleep till 4am...

According to Stan, I fell asleep on the bus, and Kenny and him had to carry me to class since I would not budge. And I probably slept through the test we had today,

But hey, I actually slept and now I'm feeling good..?  
I don't know for some reason. It's lunchtime and I'm trying to hide my journal from everyone cause if someone sees me writing they're gonna take it and look thro-

(Cartman's POV/Writing)  
 **KYLE HAS A DIARY! WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Writing in it and reading it is fun >:)**  
 **...**  
 **WOW I'M OFFENDED ON WHAT YOU WROTE IN HERE KY-**

(Kyle's POV/Writing)  
thanks Cartman, you fat fuck. Ugh, now the pages are all crumpled up. I can flatten them out with books and stuff though. I'm not surprised I outran him though. And now everyone's asking about the journal, whyyyyyy.

Anyways, now Stan is trying to look over at what I'm writing, nghhhh  
Speaking of Stan, for some reason I get this weird feeling around him. I have no clue why, maybe I'll ask someone later. Kenny, probably. He's smart at this stuff.  
I mean...  
I guess?

Ugh lunch just finished. Now to sit through class and talk about nonsense that we'll never use in real life

~Kyle, Day 2


	4. Fourth Entry: 6/18/17 4:40PM

Journal,

I talked to Kenny. He had nothing.  
I want to know what is wrong with me...  
Even though Cartman hates me, maybe I can ask him..? I don't know. To be honest, maybe he'll be better help. Or he just won't help at all. He keeps calling me names and stuff, and I really don't like it. Damn... It's cold outside. My house is the furthest away from the bus stop, and I'm writing as I walk.   
Today during class at the end, Wendy started passing notes to Stan. She sits next to me on the right, and Stan sits next to me on the left, so obviously I was the note passer. The first time she passed a note I just passed it along to Stan, not really caring. But as they kept coming, I opened some of them, reading what they said. Stan was looking at them in disgust. They were about Wendy wanting to get back with Stan. When Stan finally wrote a note back to her in anger, it said in big words "FUCK YOU!", which she brought up to the teacher. He got a detention for the rest of the week, and I was sad about not having anyone to walk in the direction where my house was with me. But I was happy when he denied her.  
Wait...  
Happy... Denied... Wendy... Stan...

 

Oh no.  
I need to see Cartman ASAP  
-Kyle, Day 2


	5. Fifth Entry: 6/18/17 8:00PM

Journal,

Well...

According to Cartman...

I think I... umm...

li-li-li-li-li...

like... Stan?

ohmygodhowcanIlikehimimnotgay??? Or maybe I am..? I mean... I don't know...  
I could be Bi, or Pan. Not really Asexual to be honest, but I would most likely say Bi to be honest.

He could be lying and say at any moment "FOOLED YOU, FUCKER!!!" in front of everyone.

I mean, to be honest, I could have a small crush on him..? I mean, he is slightly cute in a way, with his black hair and blue eyes that can get anyone just by looking at-

Well... would you look at that. I do like him. But I don't think he'll like me back, though. He had a girlfriend, so he's most likely straight.

Right?

I'm confusing myself too much right now, I should talk to Kenny and Cartman about this. Maybe Butters also. I wouldn't mind being Bi, but my crush on Stan? What would he do if he found out about it?

~Kyle, Day 2


	6. Sixth Entry: 6/18/17 11:21PM

Journal,

I can't sleep and I know why. I think it's because in the back of my mind, something that won't fucking shut up is going on.   
I think it's Stan.  
He's in my mind. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know when I should tell him how I feel. What if he doesn't feel the same way towards me?

Dammit, fear. Fear always gets to be at the worst times possible. I tried watching some Terrance and Phillip earlier but that didn't help at all.

I need to catch up on sleep before I go sleep deprived everywhere. And before I start failing.

Anyways, on a better note, just a little earlier Kenny texted asking if I wanted to go see a movie with him, Cartman, Stan, and Butters. I still gotta reply, but I don't think we're doing anything this Sunday.

Plus Stan is gonna be there.  
Never know, it's the movies.

I wonder what movie it'll be...  
~~~  
Oh! Got a reply on that. It's called "My Friend Toronto"   
I heard of that movie, but never seen it. I already replied a yes, so I hope it'll be good.

Maybe I should at least try to get some sleep. It's late and I don't wanna get in trouble.

~Kyle, Day 2


	7. Seventh Entry: 6/19/17 1:06PM

Journal,

I'm so tired right now... I couldn't sleep again last night. I had fantasies about me and Stan (NOT THAT TYPE OF FANTASIES)

And then I got really anxious and stuff. This morning, we were all forced up by our parents at 6AM to be taken out of school all day to try something called "sculling". We got to chose who we wanted to go with, and I chose Stan. It was a little awkward with me trying not to embarrass myself or blush or stuff.

For the rest of the day, it was "a day you can spend with your moms", and for me it was being dragged around shopping. Right now I'm waiting for her at the shoe store cause she takes forever there.

Writing stuff down like this actually makes me feel not lonely, which I usually am. Also I'm hurting all over from racing for 2 hours, so I should probably stop writing. Maybe think about my friends, and just have the chance to meet up with them some point soon.

Now my mom's coming back. Hopefully I get to see someone I know today. Hopefully Stan...

Okay I should stop now.  
~Kyle, Day 3


	8. Eighth Entry: 6/19/17 9:46PM

Journal,

  
I'm actually kinda happy right now! I have Kenny sleeping over tonight! (we're gonna skip school tomorrow along with Stan and Cartman). At least he actually can sleep over. Most parents don't let their kids. Luckily, our parents don't mind, even if we're only in 4th grade.   
I also asked my mom today a very important question, and this is how the conversation basically went down.

Me: Hey mom, there's this person at school...  
Mom: Yeah?   
Me: And I sorta like them, in a way...  
Mom: Oh! Well who are they...  
Me: well... It's kinda complicated...  
Mom: Well is it a boy or a girl?  
Me: Do you not care which one it is?  
Mom: It's a guy, isn't it?  
Me:... yeah. Don't hate me!!!  
Mom: well, at least your honest about it.   
Me: So I guess I'll tell you I'm Bi now...  
Mom: No worries! I'll accept you for who you are..?  
Me: that sounds like a question.  
Mom: oh... Well just go upstairs, we'll talk about this tomorrow.  
Me: Okay.

I'm actually freaking out a little right now, thing she might just fake supporting me and actually be against me. Well, at least I got a friend who can help with this stuff.

(Kenny's POV/Writing)  
Kyle, since when do you write in journals? Oh well. I read through it while you were in the bathroom, don't be made at me. But I think your mom will accept you no matter what. I'll accept you, even if no one else does :)  
Okay you're coming back now! Better stop writing in your journal before you se-

(Kyle's POV/Writing)  
Goddammit, Kenny.

~Kyle, Day 3


	9. Ninth Entry: 6/20/17 6:28AM

Journal,

Kenny and I were woken up by Ike playing some loud ass music. Can't I sleep for just once. I was having a good dream...

It was about me and Stan for some reason. I was apparently writing something down in my journal, and he came up to me and asked if I wanted to hang out later. Of course, I accep-   
...  
Kenny get the fuck off my shoulder I can sense you there.  
...  
Anyways, he took me somewhere, and then he was about to ask me something, but NOPE!  
Ike just had to wake me up.  
Oh well, I don't care.  
We're all gonna skip school today, and maybe go down to the pier and do stuff there.   
Oh! Gotta go, We're being called for food!

  
~Kyle, Day 4


	10. Tenth Entry: 6/20/17 12:23PM

Journal, 

  
We somehow got inside the new Terrance and Phillip movie "Asses of Fire II- More Asses"   
It was amazing! Of course Cartman got a shit ton of snacks and didn't share. Luckily Stan shared his popcorn with me. Every time I went to grab popcorn I was scared that we were accidentally gonna touch hands or something.   
I know, I know, it's a cliché thing that happens only in the movies. But still! Right now we're eating pizza, but I'm just sitting alone writing-

(Cartman's POV/Writing)  
 **OOO! JEW FAG HAS A CRUSH ON THE STRAIGHT GUY?! CAN'T WAIT TILL EVERYONE HEARS ABOUT THIS SHIT!**

(Kyle's POV/Writing)  
Oh shit...

~Kyle, Day 4


	11. Eleventh Entry: 6/20/17 6:37PM

Journal,

I literally had to tackle Cartman down, and that was hard as fuck. He didn't break anything, but I got away before Cartman told Stan. I'm literally crying on the paper, so I hope none of my words are smudged.   
I have this song playing, it's called "Trouble", and if you change the female pronouns to male pronouns, you got me to Stan.  
"I'm in trouble  
I'm an addict  
I'm addicted to this boy  
He's got my heart tied in a knot  
And my stomach in a whirl

But even worse  
I can't stop calling him  
He's all I want and more  
I mean damn  
What's not to adore..."  
These lyrics are true. Yes, I did change the pronouns.  
But they're true, and I'm not lying.

"...I'm running my mouth  
Just like I got him  
But I surely don't..."  
I am, but not really my mouth. My writing. And that fuckboy Cartman just had to come in and ruin it. Why does he hate me so much? I should probably stop hanging out with him...

"...Because he's so  
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh  
Rock 'n roll  
And out of my league  
Is he out of my league?  
Let's hope Not..."  
I don't think he'll be out of my league, but since I'm Bi, he may be out of my league I that sense.

"...I'm in trouble  
I'm so cliché  
See that word just wears me out  
Makes me feel like just another boy  
To laugh and joke About..."  
That's the last line I'm gonna quote. I do get teased a lot, especially for my hair...  
Have you seen it?  
It's a FUCKING TORNADO!  
And I'm red-haired.  
That helps a whole lot.

Someone's knocking at my door...

Oh! It's Stan...

I'll just go answer it...  
~Kyle, Day 4


	12. Twelfth Entry: 6/20/17 9:17PM

Journal,

He knows.  
I'm crying so hard right now...  
He's tried to calm me down...  
He just...

Doesn't like me back.

I knew it...  
I fucking knew it and I didn't listen to myself.  
Goddamnit...  
I just need a hug right now...  
Someone to care...  
Someone to listen...  
No one ever listens...  
This wallpaper glistens...  
One day they'll see what goes down in the kitchen...

I'm doing it. I want to. He means so much to me...  
And i was just rejected...

This song is also helping with my mood. It's called Broken (by Groundbreaking, highly suggest it)  
Hope no one sees me when I'm still alive.  
I've been suicidal for a while now, but this is my limit...

I can't deal with this bullshit anymore. The world is a cruel place.  
I never talked to anyone about my sadness, anger, and everything building up inside of me...  
My stress is passing my limit.   
Why can't I just end my life? I should...

Now they can read about my sad life in this journal.

Hope you all like what you read. Maybe you'll learn to not fall for your Super Best Friend. Ike, hope you know that I care about you, and take my advice.

Cause it hurts,

More than you think.

Final Goodbye,  
~Kyle, Day 4


	13. Thirteenth Entry: 6/21/17 8:44PM

Journal,

My head hurts so much. I almost got away with it. I cut and overdosed, but Ike walked in and saw me, bleeding out into the floor.  
Sitting in the hospital is boring though.  
There's really not a lot to do. I can't watch Terrance and Phillip because of "age restrictions" and that shit.   
Stan's here too, I just don't want to talk to him. He hasn't said anything since he got here, and I guess that's good?  
I really don't know anymore, he's just been red for a while. He's also sketching something.  
I want to know what it is...

Oh crap, I gotta use the bathroom... It's always a hassle to get there cause the nurses and shit.

(Stan's POV)

 _I'm sorry Kyle..._  
I didn't know what to say when Cartman came up to me and said that. I was just shocked.  
I have something to tell you, but later when you're all healed up :)  
I'll give you the sketch tomorrow.

(Kyle's POV)  
Ooo...  
A note.   
This better be a good SKETCH STAN!

~Kyle, Day 5


	14. Fourteenth Entry: 6/22/17 9:33PM

Journal,

I'm probably gonna keep it down to one entry a day for the next few days till I get out of the hospital. Luckily I didn't loose a lot of blood to be deadly, but I did lose enough for it to be noticeable.  
My face is paler than usual (somehow...) and I don't really have any energy.  
Kenny came by today, but I wasn't really in the mood to see anyone.  
The memories in my mind keep replaying.  
The sirens.  
The warm blood slowly dripping down my cold skin, feeling relief all over my body.  
The pills.  
The way I got sick around 10.  
It all seemed like a dream.

But it's real.   
I'm in a hospital, red hair blocking my sight again, and writing.  
I won't be able to leave for another 3 days.  
This is gonna be fun. I have time to plan so k can't beat the shit out of that cunt Cartman.   
How long does it take for stuff to be delivered from China?  
I don't know, but way more than 3 days. I guess?  
I'll just watch some more of this show called "Death Note" cause I remember someone mentioning it to me. It's good so far. I'm on episode 23.  
At least the nurses let me watch something besides Disney Junior or some shit.

~Kyle, Day 6


	15. Fifteenth Entry: 6/22/17 11:46PM

Journal,  
I think I'm doing worse. My legs are hurting so much for some reason, and I just can't seem to have a lot of balance. According to x-ray's, there's nothing wrong. It's just some after effects of being treated and stuff.  
They also made me do some physical activity just so then I don't... You know... Die or anything without some. At least we have recess at school.   
Stan came by when he heard about my legs. He also helped me with some punching on a small punching bag. This was basically how it went:

Stan: C'mon, Kyle. Think of the bag as your worst enemy!  
Me: Okay, so that fucker Cartman then?  
Stan: haha... Sure. Whatever you want.   
Me: I think it actually helps, considering all the stuff he does to torture us, especially me.

After saying that, Stan was just a tint of pink. I have to say, that pink really complimented himself. He just left before I started writing this entry, but he showed me this song called "I'm Not Gay" by someone named J-Pee(?)   
I have to find that again.  
It was art. 10/10 best song I ever listened too.  
It does get lonely here without anyone to talk to and keep me company, but I don't mind. I should be sleeping, but I got this reading light from Kenny so I can write in the dark.

Speaking of people coming to visit, I wonder when Cartman will visit. Of even if he will...

~Kyle, Day 6


	16. Sixteenth Entry: 6/24/17 3:27PM

Journal,

I can walk again, and I'm finally getting better. It's almost time to go home. There's this book that I've been reading and it's really good (and gay). It's called "Arostotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe" and I think of the main characters as Stan and I instead.  
No one came yesterday, and I'm kind of glad. The book came as a package for me, and it was from Cartman. I'm surprised he got me something. Or maybe his mom made him send me something.  
This is what the letter said:

"Kyle,  
You're still a fucking cunt, but here. This was a suggested book and I read the summary of it. I think you'll like it.  
From, Cartman"

Don't think his mom read the letter over before it was sent.  
But it's a good book, and I've been reading it nonstop for the past two days. And I finally get my hat back to hide my poofy red hair under. I still can't see what I'm writing half of the time without it. Plus my head gets cold.  
Now that I think about it., I wonder how much school work I'll have from my days absent. Probably not any, considering our teacher doesn't give a shit about anything. Oh, my mom came in! I'm finally leaving this boring white room. The doctors said don't stress myself out so much, and don't write as much either to reduce muscles stress.

~Kyle, Day 8


	17. Seventeenth Entry: 6/27/17 9:57AM

Journal, 

I was sneaking out of school for the past few days so I could have alone time to myself.   
I just feel more likely each day. Everyone is leaving me and I don't know why.   
I'll just be an introverted bitch my whole life. Or the rest of it. I just wanna adventure around and do what I want with more limits. It'll be nice.

You know what?

I will do that.

Screw everyone I know. Screw Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Wendy, Bebe, Butters, Clyde, all those people. I don't need them anymore. Who cares?   
July 4th, that's when my plan will be put into action.   
School got out today, but my mom's gonna make me do random shit like take me out for mini golf. It'll be super boring, I can tell already.  
Maybe I'll just fake sick the entire time. I don't know...

Tonight I'm sneaking out to the nearby concert and I'll be sure to make it in. That'll be my first step.  
I'll go figure out the rest. If anyone is reading this, don't tell anyone or else.   
Maybe after playing Xbox for a little while...  
I'LL START PLANNING THEN!  
LET'S DO THIS.  
And I also need a shit ton of money. Time to use my sneaking skills to even better use than before.

~Kyle, Day 11


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccdn1a5LOwk  
> video for the song that is mentioned

Journal,

I'm leaving on the Fourth of July. It's decided. There's one place I always wanted to go, and that is Canada. I don't care if I fit in or not, they'll never find me there. 

I already booked the flight with my mom's credit card. It was that easy to take it from her. Just hope she doesn't look at the bill before I leave. That would be a straight up hint and a giveaway. 

I just want to leave everyone. No one cares anymore. My mom no longer gives two shits about me, Kenny and Cartman just abandoned me on the last days of school, Butters killed himself, and Stan...

Well let's just say he's occupied with someone else and that someone else is a fucking bitch and can't shut the fuck up about Stan. I can't handle her annoying voice in all my classes. Even the teacher tells her to stop talking to Stan but she doesn't listen. The cunt should just die in my opinion.

Anyways, why am I even caring in the first place? She has Stan now, and nothing can change that. Not even me. I'm just a useless person who deserves to die. 

This song that's playing, it's so true at this fucking point. It's called "1/4" and it's by someone who goes by the YouTube channel VocaCircus (it's at the top). Someone at school was blasting it on the last day, and I thought it was really good. 

"I'll be real, I am tired  
I remember now, All your fire  
And all the things that you put me through  
Tore my heart into...

Was I supposed to just be okay  
With everything that you did!?  
I was broken, I was hurting  
But I'm meant to forgive?

You cut me to pieces  
It's your fault I'm a complete wreck  
And I guess I didn't matter to you  
The worst part? I always knew

So here's my final 'Fuck You'"

This song is making me cry... shit... 

I also took $2,000 from my mom's secret money safe. The code was so easy; it was her favorite child's name. Haha, it wasn't my name. It was Ike (which in numbers was 453).

I should start packing soon, just hope no one sees me sneaking out on July 4th at fucking 1 in the morning.

 

~Kyle, Day 13


	19. Nineteenth Entry: 7/1/17 11:35PM

Journal,

Kenny came over today, but he left quickly. He just asked how I've been and stuff. Even under the hood, I could see he was slightly blushing. The bridge of his nose was contrasting with his pale skin, even though it was barely visible.

I asked him about it and he just replied with "what?"  
Yep, he played that card. The "What?" card.

It did get a little awkward but it was only a quick check up visit. Of course I didn't tell him about me leaving for Canada or anything like that. But I did tell him I wouldn't see him for a while.

While being alone upstairs, I saw Stan and Wendy walking down my street.

That bitch...

They walked by my house and Wendy looked at it. She just fucking looked at it like she had an evil plan or some shit like that. I was watching them through my window. Stan was worriedly glancing around to see if anyone was nearby. Through my window, I watched him. Cute as ever, but with Wendy.   
He looked at my window and I ducked down being it as fast a possible.

My face was fully red and I was just in shock. They left before I got to see them after my intense shock.   
I'm calling it right now, some little fuckers are gonna do something to my house.

And Stan will be part of it all.

I don't even know why I like him anymore... These past few days have felt like a blur and not everything can get processed throughout my head.

I don't think I can get over someone as amazing as him so quick. So that's another reason why I'm leaving.

I'll include my plane ticket in the next entry. Hopefully that will be the day before I leave.

Maybe I'll actually try to get some sleep, even though some people are setting off fireworks tonight.

Goddammit

~Kyle, Day 15


	20. Twentieth Entry: 7/3/17 11:40PM

Journal,

Can't believe I'm leaving South Park so soon. And to think it'll be permanently. Wow.

Everything is under my bed and ready to go. Now to wait...

It's gonna take for fucking ever to be 1AM. Fuck. I need to get at least some sleep before I leave, but as of now, I don't think that's happening.

Also the reason why I didn't write in here yesterday was because of her. Yep... The evil look gave a big ass hint to something bad happening.

She egged my fucking house, even inside it somehow. They got everyone involved. Everyone was posting about it on Twitter and that shit. I can't fucking believe it.  
This is why I'm leave to get the fuck away from all these assholes in South Park. Before all of this fucked up shit happened, I was perfectly normal and everything was okay!

But then my feelings had to get in the way.  
Why me. Why couldn't it be Cartman or someone like him.   
I had emotional songs playing all day today, and I just couldn't really stop crying. I just was in my room all day. Didn't even leave for food, only to use the bathroom.

Kenny came over again today, and he seemed more... vulnerable?

I don't know, he felt like a different person that I know he is. He was a little more sensitive in a way. Maybe it's just me.

I need to get some fucking sleep. Seriously. And I hope no one notices I'm fine in the morning till after I'm in Canada. I also have my passport which I found in the most obvious spot ever: in the mail. We went on my birthday to get new ones and my photo came out like shit. I was half blinking and some of my hair was sticking out.

Oh what fun will that be when security sees that photo.

Okay okay I'm gonna go to sleeeep. Hope no one missed me here.

~Kyle, Day 17


	21. Twenty First Entry: 7/4/17 9:16PM

Journal, 

I can't believe I fucking made it. It's amazing. There isn't that much of a time difference, but then again I don't really sleep.   
I got really anxious flying and thinking about losing stuff, but it was really good overall.   
I almost lost my ticket to an old hobo dude but I won. I also blocked everyone on my phone so they could not get in contact with me. No one will remember Kyle. The redhead Jew that everyone hates.   
So far I've just been wandering around. From flyers, posters, advertisements, and even announcers everywhere on the street, Terrance and Phillip are having a live show tomorrow. I'm so ready to see it! Only meeting them once isn't enough.

The one time was when my mom started a war between Canada and the United States. Fun times...

Just for the next few days I'm staying at this hotel that is near the Terrance and Phillip show AND close to really good places to get stuff I need. I wonder what will happen when I run out of money. I shouldn't worry about that right now, I can find ways.

~Kyle, Day 18


	22. Twenty Second Entry: 7/9/17 5:29PM

Journal,

A lot happened over these past few days. 

First of all, I'm almost out of money, but I got a job working at McDonalds. Even if it's a shitty job, it's a job that pays me. 

Second of all, the live show wasn't even fucking real. They were just trying to lure kids. When I got there, I knew something was off. I saw a kid get taken into a white van that looked really suspicious. If only I got the license plate number. Why am I so stupid. They probably got raped or some shit like that. They went through all that trouble to just get kids to rape, torture, etc. I feel really bad for them now. I wish I was the one who got taken instead.

Third... I don't know what I'm gonna do to get more money... I can't go to a strip club or something like that. 

Speaking of Kenny, HE CAME TO FUCKING CANADA TO FIND ME CAUSE I FUCKING SAW HIM WALKING DOWN HE STREET ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY'VE SEEN ME. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

I want to die now.

Why do people still care about me? I just want to leave and never return but some asshole just has to come find me. Why? WHY? WHY THE HELL CAN'T I JUST DIE?!

Wait... I can... No one's here to stop me. I can jump off the highest building here. Everyone will see the death of Kyle the Unworthy-Of-Living-In-This-Fucking-World.

Okay I'll work on the name tomorrow. 

Tomorrow at 8PM will be my demise. I'm so sorry to whoever the hell is reading this, but it is. Maybe since Kenny's here, he'll see me. He'll go back to South Park telling everyone how I jumped off a damn building without grace or worth and no one would care. In 7 days everyone would forget about me. 

I should go now, I got the night shift at the cash register and I should sleep a little.

~Kyle, Day 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In the original concept of the rest of the story Kyle was going to be a part time stripper to earn more money. Where I originally posted it, it was most likely against the rules of the website, so I left it out


	23. Twenty Third Entry- Kenny's Note: 6:52PM

(Kenny's POV/Writing)

Kyle, 

What you're doing is a bad idea. Please, don't hurt yourself. Everyone is worried back in South Park, and I know that. I was so worried when I couldn't find you at Cartman's 4th of July party. You said you were going and everyone knows his parents are never home during that time. 

And how I got into the hotel room you ask...

Well, that's a secret. There are more secrets where that one came from.

I will literally find you as quickly as possible tomorrow and make sure you don't do anything. If you do... I'll go down with you. Thing is... I'll come back alive, while for you...

It'll be the end of the line.

I'll stop writing in your journal now because I just wanna tell you that there are people who care about you a lot, even if you don't know it.

And I promise that :)

~Kenny x


	24. Twenty Fourth Entry: 7/11/17 1:50AM

Journal,

I didn't do it.  
I was so close, but then something was going on at the bottom of the building. People were surrounding the building and had preparations all around, making sure I didn't get hurt.

Fuck you Kenny.

Speaking of him, he fell asleep on my bed in the hotel. Guess he was so tired after running around the city that he just collapsed.   
I can't blame him, that was sorta nice to see someone care about me.   
I should wake him up, but would I bed a bad person if I did?  
I don't fucking know anything anymore. Tomorrow night maybe I will do it. Or not. I actually kinda like it here to be honest.

I'm gonna wake Kenny up in a minute. He does look kinda cute when he's sleeping...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!  
WHAT AM I SAYING ANYMORE!!!  
I'm confusing myself so much. Help me. I can't decide anything anymore. I just want everything to get better but it won't.   
Fucking hell.  
This is why I can't live on anymore.   
The scars on my arms make me uglier than I already am. My red hair is such a fucking mess and is sticking out of my hat. If I take it off, hair will be covering my eyes and I wouldn't be able to see shit. Why was I the one with red hair and not Cartman? He obviously deserves it more than me.

Also... Rereading Kenny's note... Why is there an "X" next to his name on the signoff?   
I'll ask him when I wake him up. Speaking of waking up and falling asleep, I should go to bed, considering its fucking 1AM.

Why am I even writing in here at 1AM?

~Kyle, Day 25


	25. Twenty Fifth Entry: 7/12/17 2:11PM

Journal,

Me and Kenny hung out all day yesterday. We mostly just walked around and went shopping a little bit. Telling him everything I did here between the time I left South Park and until he came into my hotel room was a lot. Luckily we had all day. 

At the end of the day, we went to Ashbridges Bay Park. It was almost closing time, and we were just sitting on the bench. It was the day after the full moon, so it wasn't that bright, but still bright.

I finally broke down. Right then and there. I couldn't hold in my emotions anymore. I told Kenny everything I could think of that I couldn't hold in anymore.

Me cutting myself, secretly drinking, harming myself in any way possible, hating myself for every damn reason I could think of.

Now there's nothing left for me to rant about. I've become really emotional for some reason after letting all my feeling out at once. It was my only choice. If I didn't let it out, then I would've killed myself today.

After letting my emotions out all at once, I just cried for 15 minutes straight. Kenny held me tight, like he knew what I was going through. 

Cause he did.

When I stopped, he let go, but still kept his arm wrapped around me, like a signal saying "everything will be alright."

I remember the conversation so vividly after all that happened. I blush every time I think about it.

Me: Kenny... I have a question.

Kenny: Ask away

Me: When you wrote in my journal... what did the "X" mean next to your sign-off?

Kenny: Well...

His entire face was a red and pink, well, the visible part. He took of his hood and just looked at me. I looked back at him, and he had a slightly scared expression on his face. I never really seen that look before. Actually, I never really seen any expression on his face before. His face was so close to mine, but it felt somewhat right?

After that, he said one thing,

Kenny: It means this...

 

Then he kissed me.

 

I was so surprised and in shock. Something fluttered inside of me, and I just kissed back. I loved it so much. He finally pulled back, us both blushing red.

Me: So... what now

Kenny: Let's go back.

Me: Are we a... thing?

Kenny: Sure

We both walked back, hand in hand. It felt so perfect. He's sleeping next to me now, but we didn't do any of that stuff! Nice try, person who's reading this.

But... something doesn't feel right for some reason.

~Kyle, Day 26


	26. Twenty Sixth Entry: 7/14/17 11:55AM

Journal,

I was crazy busy the last two days. I was out and about most of the day, I was planning another trip, and... I finally called home.

Everyone was so worried about me. Except Cartman. He still hated me to the fucking core. Everyone was over my house once they heard that Kenny and I were okay!

Before I got the phone, however, Kenny took it first. Well, he said he wanted to talk to Stan first. He got the phone and asked me to give them a minute. I went to the balcony and just looked out at the city below me. I actually liked this sight, and didn't want to leave. But of course, I had to go inside at some point!

Kenny came out and handed me the phone, telling em it was Stan. I remember how the conversation went down, cause, you know, it was only last night this happened.

Stan: H-Hey Kyle...

Me: Hi Stan!

Stan: So... You and Kenny, huh?

Me: Yeah... why? You sound like you're about to cry or something. You okay?

Stan: Y-yeah... I'm fine. Don't worry about it. When you coming back.

Me: Well... That's a surprise! Don't worry about it, I'll be fine!

Stan: Fine. Talk to Butters, then. You sounds like you don't wanna talk to me.

Me: Stan, wait-

The Butters had the phone. I talked to him, and then everyone else. When I finished talking to everyone I knew, it was already almost 1AM.

I was exhausted. Kenny was already sleeping, so I just climbed in next to him, kissed his forehead, and fell asleep with just one thought on my mind: What was Stan so upset about.

I slept in so late this morning, and I am still tired as fuck. I'll let Kenny write about where we're going on vacation if he gets up before me.

Also I'm surprised that I remember all that, haha.

But still, something doesn't feel right, and I don't know what.

~Kyle, Day 28


	27. Twenty Seventh Entry- Kenny's Note: 7/14/17 10:24PM

(Kenny's POV)

Alright, I guess Kyle left me to write this quick note.  
Okay then.  
Cool.  
Anyways, we're traveling to...  
RUSSIA!  
Cause why the hell not.  
He didn't give me all the details yet, so I can't really say anything as of now, but I know we're leaving on the 17th.

As to how we got the money...  
Let's just say that before I came here I stole a little something called Kyle's Mom's credit card ;)

Don't tell anyone though.  
Or else.  
Anyways, I wonder if anyone from South Park is coming to find us here in Canada.  
Never know. Maybe Stan is...

Kyle, don't say anything to Stan about this, but I think he likes you.

I'm slightly jealous, but he's too late now. You're taken by me now, and Stan has Wendy to fuck.

Or whatever they do.

Anyways, write later, or Kyle will first.

~Kenny, Day 28


	28. Twenty Eighth Entry: 7/15/17 2:38PM

Journal,

shitshitshit...

I just checked and there's a flight leaving from South Park to Toronto tomorrow!

Who knows who the hell could be on that flight.

So... we changed our flight schedule and we're heading to JFK today. The flight is at 5:59PM and we're hurrying the hell outta here.

I swear if my mom comes here we're screwed. She was glad I was okay when she called, but she probably was pissed the fuck off at me.

But for Kenny, they didn't even come to talk to us, much less Kenny.

If they heard that we were a thing, they would literally come here and slap the shit out of him.

They won't be able to find us anytime soon, which is good for me, and Kenny too.

I'm liking being away, but I'm starting to feel homesick. Maybe being back in the U.S. for a few days will help.

Sorry this entry was short, but I'm literally running out of the hotel writing this.

~Kyle, Day 29


	29. Twenty Ninth Entry: 7/16/17 7:59PM

Journal, 

We made it, but we saw... people we know getting off the plane from South Park not far behind us.

By that I mean Stan and Cartman came to find us.

Hopefully they didn't see us.

We leave tomorrow, and hopefully have enough money. I just wanna travel with Kenny <3

He's the one for me, and the only one. 

And from what i know, no one can change tha-

 

**(Cartman's POV)**

**Found him. We've been searching everywhere! And when we finally got to Toronto, we saw you guys get onto the fucking plane!**

**Agh, it was a hassle to get on your plane, but we just had to in order to find you both! I even dumped Butters to come save you guys!**

 

_(Stan's POV)_

_Sorry we accidentally pushed you both unconscious to the ground. Haha, my idea in a way ;)_

_BUT STILL! We found you both! And I'm so happy that two of my best friends are safe! Anyways, just to tell you Kyle, I broke up with Wendy for good! She was being so annoying that after the 4th of July party I dumped her for good!_

_But then Kenny told me about you guys, and things went even worse from there._

_I'll tell you later about it._

_~Stan_ & **Cartman!**


	30. Thirtieth Entry - Stan's Note: 7/18/17 2:59PM

_(Stan's POV/Writing)_

_Kyle,_

_I'm gonna make this quick, but you have not gotten up for two days. I mean, you were shoved down onto the floor AND Kenny landed on top of you, but I didn't know how fragile you were._

_Just please... get up..._   
_I miss you._   
_I want to talk to you._   
_I want to be with you._

_I think I love you, Kyle._   
_I'll explain why later, Carman and I are being kicked out of you and Kenny's hospital room. By the way, if you don't know, we brought you both back here to South Park, and your mom is piiiiiiiissed..._

_Ike says he doesn't really care, but I can tell he does. Fucking liar, haha._

_I'll leave the sketch I promised you later._

_~Stan :3_


	31. Thirty First Entry - Cartman's Note: 7/19/17 4:37PM

**(Cartman's POV/Writing)**

**Hey, idiot. You left your journal at the hospital. Ugh, and Stan told me to bring it back to you. Why couldn't he do it? Fuck him.**

**Your house is also so freaking far away! Whyyyyyy!**

**Wait! Speaking of Stan... he wants to meet up with you** **tomorrow** **.** **11** **PM, near the lake. I'll tell you this in person also, but I'm just writing this down to help you. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE YOU! Cause I don't... and cause I like someone else! But I'm not saying who. The only reason I'm gonna trust you with saying I like someone is because I used to like you a little bit, but I'm over it now.**

**Besides, you kinda hate me anyways, and I hate you too.**

**Meh, while I'm walking to your house, I'll tell you all about the 4th of July party. Well a summary of stuff.**

**1) I made out with Butters while he was slightly drunk somehow, but that didn't last long.**

**2) Craig and Tweek did... stuff ;)**

**3) Stan now holds the record for most beers drunk within a 5 minute time span- He got 15 down! Then he threw up afterwards and passed out.**

**4) Wendy also made out with Bebe! Haha, sucks for Stan!**

**5) I almost didn't make it into my pool in the backyard. I jumped off the roof to see how far I could've gone, but almost hit the pavement instead!**

**That's basically what happened.**

**Also, Stan left his sketch with me. I put it on this page before he went back home himself.**

****

**Alright, finally I'm at your house. Took for fucking ever. Don't be mad that I wrote in it.**

**-Cartman**


	32. Thirty Second Entry: 7/20/17 10:26PM

Journal,

Well, luckily everyone else is sleeping. It's so fucking easy to sneak out. Everyone is a heavy sleeper so thy shouldn't wake up that easily.

I can't believe that Stan wants to talk to me after all this time.

Even after tying to kill myself.  
Even after running away.  
Even after dating Kenny.  
Even after everything else I did to hurt him.

I feel so fucking bad.  
I-I...  
I just want to talk to him all about it.

I also broke up with Kenny after realising that Cartman had a crush on him. Truth is... I think it was only lust instead of love. There is a difference.

But to Stan, I know it's lust.  
I should get going soon... maybe things will be resolved and good stuff will happen.

All I hope for now is luck.

Also, Ike is going out with someone now ;)   
I'm not saying who though...

Sorry this entry was short, journal, but I should just hurry up and go before Ike runs to my parents room or some shit like that!

~Kyle, Day 34


	33. Thirty Third Entry: 7/21/17 12:00PM

Journal,

Well...

I'm in love with Stan Marsh.

And...

He's-

_ (Ike's POV/Writing) _

_ HEY! ITS THE JOURNAL I GOT YOU! _

_ AND YOU'VE BEEN USING IT! _

_ YAY! _

_ THANKS, KYLE! I KNEW IT WOULD COME TO GOOD USE! _

_ Also... I'll keep you and Stan a secret from Mom and Dad, only for a little while ;) _

_ YOU'LL NEVER GET I- _

 

(Kyle's POV/Writing)

I just had to pay Ike $20 to keep him from telling Mom and Dad about how me and Stan are a thing now!

I'm actually sO HAPPY YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

He's coming over today, also!

Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okayokayokayokayokayokayokay...

I remember the conversation and exactly how it went!

 

Me: *Walks to bench nearest to the pond*

Me: What if this is all a set up? Like Cartman or Kenny are in the tree recording this and putting it up or some shit like that?

Stan: Who are you talking to?

Me: O-Oh! *falls off bench* Ow...

Stan: Wow, didn't know I was that scary to you. Did the fall affect your vision or something?

Me: No... just got scared for a second there. So why did you ask me to come here? Or ask Cartman to tell me to meet you here?

Stan: Well... it's because... Look Kyle. When you told me you liked me, I had no idea what to say. I was just... shocked when you said that. After I left, I knew something and felt something different than when I with Wendy. For you, I really felt something. For Wendy, I basically felt nothing. That night when you and Kenny got in touch with South Park, Kenny told me that you and him were dating, I almost broke down. And I obviously couldn't tell you that I really like you if you were going out with Kenny.

Me: Wait... so you actually like me? Are you drunk or something?

Stan: I'm not fucking drunk, it's the truth. Don't say I'm lying.

Me: Pinky promise?

Stan: REALLY?! You know that's for little girls, right?

Me: Well... I read that if you break a pink promise, you have to cut off your finger. SO DO YOU WANNA DO IT NOW?!

Stan: Haha... sure.

He actually promised me. After that...

He kissed me. It wasn't like those quick truth or dare or spin the bottle kisses. It was a real heartfelt one, and I just knew it.

Me: Stan... will you be my-

Stan: Yes. Yes I would!

It felt like my heart exploded into fireworks of happiness! I couldn't sleep at all last night...

I'm so tired... I'm gonna try to get some rest.

~Kyle, Day 36


	34. Final Entry/Thirty Fourth Entry- 7/22/17 9:29AM

Journal,

Well... I ran out of pages already. I wrote so much in here and my handwriting is kinda messy. I had a sleepover with Stan, Kenny, and Cartman last night, and it was the best. Well originally, it was just suppose to be me and Stan, but I decided to invite the other two anyways.

Well... they are dating after all.

Kenny and Cartman... would've never guessed it. I think their name would be... Kenman... or Keneric. Either one works! I even talked it over with Stan, and he said-

 

_(Stan's Writing/POV)_

_KENMAN IS MY FAVOURITE!!! Come on, it sounds better than Keneric in a way. Sounds like Kendrick. SO I CHOSE KENMAN! I need to stop writing stuff in your journ-_

 

**(Cartman's Writing/POV)**

**FUCK YOU BOTH! OR MAYBE YOU BOTH SHOULD SCREW AROUND WITH EACH OTHER! MAYBE THAT WILL TEACH YOU DICKHEADS NOT TO SHIP ME AND KENNY! even though we are a thing...**

**BUT STILL! THIS IS WHY I HATE YOU TWO F-**

 

(Kenny's Writing/POV)

Ahahaha... I do like Kenman... So I chose that! But I can't believe this book is already done. It's hard to know that the author had to end it after 37 days of writing. But it did take time to edit and type it all. Thank you for reading! And maybe, the author will start a sequel to this book!

 

(Kyle's Writing/POV)

Okay, I think Kenny is insane. Who the hell is he even talking to? Well, he's Kenny, and it's probably a Kenny thing!

 

Goodbye, Journal!

~Kyle, Day 37

_-Stan_

**¬CARTMAN**

>Kenny<


End file.
